hello hello! 

the past week has been quite tiring, generally, but i don’t really remember a time in which life wasn’t. spending a few days with my sister this week made me realise she’s growing quicker than ever and that it’s never going to stop. she can make her own breakfast now – as if. i walked downstairs sunday morning and she was sat with her bowl of cornflakes before i’d even had the chance to ask her what she’d like, greeted with a smile and a ‘yeah i just did it myself’ as i walked by. it had me questioning whether i was making breakfast for myself at 7? i genuinely can’t remember. 

one thing i have noticed is that there’s a level of disconnect between the two of us, and often times we can sit together but won’t have a great deal to say. i think because we don’t live together, nor see each other very often during term time, i find myself struggling to remember how to act around her when we come back together again. this time there was a shyness in her as she was slightly reluctant to come in for a hug, and i stood watching her say goodbye to my auntie wondering what it was like for her to come to a home that isn’t hers but very well could have been. my sister doesn’t live with me, and i feel like a low level of jealousy seeps in here and there when i remember i’m not really a part of her main ‘bubble’ as such. 

regardless of all of this, i definitely think that these thoughts and feelings are mostly adult ones – i can tell my sister loves hanging out with me, and that she has a lot of fun doing so. one day in the garden this week she asked ‘Tya, how old are you gunna be when i’m 20?’, to which i told her i’d be 40 and asked if she’d still think i was cool and want to hang out with me. obviously she nodded because i’m clearly going to be the coolest 40 year old to ever exist.  

for her birthday this year my parents bought her an electric scooter (suitable for her age!) which i’ll admit i didn’t think was a good idea, however she absolutely loves it and made a friend on the street who has the same one. so whilst she played on the front in intervals, i got in my fix of reading Dune! i’ve watched both of the films but never really grasped onto them the way that i felt i should have, so i decided to pick up the book instead. i’m glad i did because i’ve absolutely loved it thus far, and despite watching the films, still feel like i’ve managed to envision my own characters and world that’s separate from the actors that play them & all that you see on screen.

although i did actually feel slightly annoyed the other day because when i originally went into Waterstones and bought the book, i spoke to a male employee who when i told that i wanted to read it because i didn’t really engage with the films on a level that i’d hoped, he kind of just tried to make it seem like reading it was going to be the most impossible thing because it’s so dense and reallllly wordy. and i was kind of like, okay??? like yes there’s a fictionalised world with unfamiliar names and phrases but there’s literally an entire ‘terminology of the imperium’ section at the end of the book if you’re ever unsure, with definitions that are very useful. it’s absolutely not as bad as he had made out to be, it’s wonderfully written and very engaging, and i think men are just stupid and love to make a woman feel like they know more about our capabilities than we do xoxo

to end this rambling, i’ve been thinking a lot about what i want to do – and i won’t say in life because i sometimes worry that i can’t and/or won’t ever just to stick to one thing. i want to do too much and can never decide on whether that’s a dangerous position to be in, but i’ve made it this far and at the moment will leave that thought to get lost amongst the others. anyway, i’m considering training to become a teacher. i think that it’s something i’d love to do. but that’s all i’ll put out there for now, and in the meantime i’m on a mission to hold myself accountable, and make things happen. 

once again, if you’re reading this then i genuinely appreciate it with all of my being. i feel as if life is so busy for everybody, and sometimes you see something and think ‘ill come back to it’ and never do (i know i’m guilty of this).

and so if you’ve taken time out of your day to read what is essentially me saying that my 7 year old sister is growing up too quickly and that Dune is amazing, thank you 🙂 

anaothys